Chapter Doce

Grass, Grass, Oh, and More Grass

Sunshine poured upon the relatively flat land. The sky was the bluest any of them had ever seen. Large, fluffy clouds, gathered in an exodus, roaming with the wind. The sun was yellower than a dandelion. Every color was so vibrant…. And the wind! Oh, the air felt so gentle.

The four went to Diana’s boyfriend. They all got a closer look at him. He wore a simple dark gray t-shirt, some blue jeans, skating shoes, and a beanie from which crops of brown, curly hair could be seen jutting out from underneath.  Frank, Sarah, and Brandy all returned to their previous states of astoundment. Freddy actually tried talking to him amidst the roar of the Smurfs while the others just stared at him once more.

“Ummm, Diana’s boyfriend?”

“Hey! How do you know about Diana?”

“Oh, I read about you…. a long time ago… about… three years ago… Somehow I know you, but I’m not really sure how I do anymore. Anyway-”

“I’m sorry. What’s your name?”

“Freddy Kite. What’s yours again?”

“I’m not about to tell my name to someone I just met. But don’t worry. I trust you.”

“Not enough to tell me your name.”

“I guess not.”

Freddy sighed.

“Fine, what do you want me to call you?”

“I don’t know. Whatever you want, man.”

“Okay. Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, dude.”

“Where did you come from?”

“I came from a college campus.”

Diana’s Boyfriend kicked Smurfette off of his shoe.

“No, I mean where did you come from? Sarah’s machine brought you from where?”

“I don’t know what you mean. California?”

“I guess it doesn’t matter. I can’t blame you since you really don’t know what’s going on. Anyway, how old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“Well, what are you doing to everyone?”

“I don’t know. They probably just like my shoes or something.”

“Yes, those are nice shoes, but that doesn’t explain why no one can talk or concentrate around you.”

The Smurfs kept cheering for him. Somehow they had created signs, posters, and other media of him.

“I really have no idea. Can I ask why your friends keep looking at me?”

Freddy didn’t have to guess hard

“I don’t know,” he responded.

“Weeelllll…”

“I’ll try.”

Freddy went to Frank and whispered, using his Truth Technique, “If you stare at him too long, he’ll disappear!”

Frank was relieved of infatuation! Freddy went to Sarah.

“He hates science.”

Sarah was relieved of infatuation! Freddy went to Brandy.

“The boy you love the most is in love with Diana’s Boyfriend.”

Brandy cried. At least she was relieved.

“Freddy,” asked Diana’s Boyfriend, “you’re familiar with this area, right?”

“Actually, I’ve never even heard of this place. We’re somewhere in Arizona, though.”

“This isn’t Arizona. There wouldn’t be any fields.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention you’re not in your world anymore, most likely. Sorry.”

“So this is still Earth, right? Why are there rings in the sky and a giant crater?”

“What year did you come from?”

“Two thousand ten.”

“It’s 2010 here as well. This is probably an alternate Earth. Where did you used to live?”

“A town called Fillmore, California in the United States of America.”

“Yeah, this is probably an alternate Earth. We have a California and a United States as well, but I’ve never heard of Fillmore.”

“No one’s ever heard of Fillmore. It’s a small town. Do you have a map?”

“Only a world map. Don’t worry, though. It probably exists and it’s probably a lot like your town.”

“If it’s anything like Arizona…”

“Arizona was blasted by trillions of Moon particles after the Moon crashed into the Earth ten years ago. Of course it’s very different!”

Diana’s Boyfriend didn’t know what to say to that. He felt a bit lost and out of place.

After a moment of silence he said, “Well, where do we go now?”

“I don’t think it matters. We could visit that small town of yours. Or we could go to that college if it exists.”

“Where do you need to go? I’ll tag along. I really have nowhere else to go. If that’s okay with you.”

“Sure! But we also have nowhere else to go. Well, we do, but… I’ll tell you the story later. Eventually the universe gets us where we need to go. Especially for you. The universe loves you!”

“Why would you say that?”

“If it weren’t for you, we’d still be in Purgatory. We were there for I think a century before you arrived.”

“How did you guys survive?”

“I have no idea. My only thought is that the place keeps you alive so you go insane. But when you arrived, this universe, our original universe, came practically crawling towards us and kissed your shoes. Along with Smurfette.”

“Yeah, how do we get the Smurfs to stop?”

Freddy stopped, got an idea, and looked to Sarah saying, “I’ve got an idea… Sarah! Do you have a bag sized furnace?”

She finally spoke.

“Yeah, ummm… [while bringing out her backpack]… here it is!”

She smiled at Diana’s Boyfriend.

“What’s keeping you so quiet?” asked Freddy.

The truth is Frank, Sarah, and Brandy were all very shy around him. Freddy’s techniques could not overpower Diana’s Boyfriend’s looks.

Freddy screamed, “Hey, Smurfs!”

None of them listened.

“Diana’s Boyfriend, can you please tell them to go inside that box?”

“Hey!” said Diana’s Boyfriend to the Smurfs, “Do you guys want … I don’t know…  pictures of me?”

The Smurfs screamed!

“Please wait inside that box.”

He didn’t need much explanation. They all scrambled over to the furnace. Some were trampled to death. In a minute most of them were inside with eager expressions. Papa Smurf needed help in so Freddy grabbed him.

“Thank you Freddy. You are my favorite, you know. Your hearty laugh kept me going all those years. [Freddy tenderly drops him in] I lo-”

Freddy shut the furnace.

“Oh wait!” said Freddy, grabbing the dead Smurfs and a lost Smurf.

“Oh please, help me find my glasses! I can’t see Diana’s Boyfriend without my glasses!” said the lost Smurf.

Freddy looked down and found a pair of miniature broken glasses. He hastily handed him the glasses.

“Oh, darn it! They’re broken. Say, Freddy, can you ask Diana’s Boyfriend if he could get really close to my eyes so I can see him? Or can you help me repair- AHHHHHHHH!” he said as Freddy hurled him into the furnace along with the dead Smurfs. The furnace was officially shut and locked.

“Soooo,” said Diana’s Boyfriend, “What are you going to do to hem?”

“Oh, nothing [he says as he sets the temperature to four hundred fifty one]. They’re used to extreme heat, so we need to keep them warm.”

“You’re really bad at lying. We don’t even need gold.”

Freddy sighed.

“How did you know?”

“We had Smurfs in my world, except they were an awful TV show. Did you really need to kill them? I just wanted them to stop surrounding me.”

“Look, they’ve been bothering us for a hundred years and I really just want… you’re right! What am I doing? My insanity has made me resort to killing innocent, joyful Smurfs! I need to… Wait. There’s no room in my back pack for them. I’ll turn off the furnace if you’re okay with them parading around.”

“Do what you want, dude.”

He looked at Sarah.

“Sarah?”

“Ummm, you should let them-”

Screams emanated from within the furnace.

“Darn it! Sarah, just put it in your backpack. They can’t feel pain, right? Screaming is just a reaction to their environment, right?”

“Hopefully.”

Sarah put the furnace back in her backpack. Muffled screams continued.

“So where should we go now?” asked Diana’s Boyfriend.

“Hmmm…”

A huge gust of air blew into Freddy’s face. His hair and spirits were shaken.

“Let’s go against the wind!”

“Sounds like a plan!”

The wind stopped immediately afterwards but they continued in that direction anyhow.

“So, Freddy. Why won’t your friends talk?”

“I really have no clue now. My technique should have negated whatever you are doing. Are you sure you’re not doing anything?”

“I’m sure.”

The muffled screams turned to moans. The moans ached in what seemed to be pain. They tried ignoring it.

“What’s your story?” asked Diana’s Boyfriend.

“It’s long and confusing. You won’t like it.”

The moans became unbearable.

“I wanna hear it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Is the sky blue?”

Freddy looked in the distance precariously. There was fragile silence, save for the whisper of the wind.

“Well, it all started out with a Parcheesi tournament. I had won that same night when Frank right there crashed into my house…”

Freddy explained the entire side of his story until the moment he started laughing in Purgatory. Diana’s Boyfriend kept quiet throughout. In the end, he asked, “So why did your eyes glow orange while you were talking?”

“My eyes glow orange? I’ve never seen that happen… Why were you staring into my eyes?”

“Eye contact is important when talking to someone. Also you’re cute.”

“Awww… Thanks!”

Freddy, not knowing why people looking into other people’s eyes was important in his universe, felt delighted, slightly awkward, and something else.

Something awoke inside of Freddy! Freddy realized the power of PK Burly β! But he was going to try not to use it. Not after his parents had been turned… into telephones!

Freddy worried. His eyes widened.

“Where’s the nearest phone?!?!”

“For what?”

“I haven’t called my parents in… one hundred and four years! Hopefully time didn’t pass while in Purgatory!”

“How long do people live in this world?”

Freddy was surprised by his question and lost his anxiety temporarily.

“What do you mean? We’re born and we live until something discontinues biological processes.  Does your world have a limit?”

“Yeah. It’s an undefined limit, but there’s a limit.”

“That’s weird. Most people get killed by one hundred years of age in our world… But that’s unimportant! My parents are telephones! THEY LIVE IN THE TELEPHONE LINES! As long as the telephone lines are up, they’re essentially alive!”

“Do you want to try my phone? It could possibly work.”

“It’s worth a shot.”

Diana’s Boyfriend handed Freddy his phone.

“Thank you!”

He opened the phone only to find many odd symbols.

“I guess our worlds have different writing, yet we speak the same language. Intriguing. Oh well.”

“Sorry, man.”

Freddy went silent. This was immediately ended when he tripped a second later.

“Owwww!” said an anonymously ominous voice.

Freddy took his foot out of the ridge that had tripped him. He got up and looked down. The green green grass had bloomed red flowers. They all mysteriously formed the shape of a pair of red lips. Farther in front, flowers of various colors and shades made a nose, pupils, and eyes. White flowers made the eyes, blue ones made the irises, et cetera.

“What’s going on?” asked Diana’s Boyfriend.

“Stuff like this always happens. Don’t worry.”

“You stepped on my teeth!”

“Hello?” asked Freddy, “What are you?”

“I’m that thing you’re standing on! You guys label me as ‘Earth’.”

The face moved accordingly to the way a woman would move her face. The whole movement of the face seemed natural and almost human until you noticed the precision of each flower closing or changing color to fit the rest of the puzzle. It was slightly disorienting.

“Umm, Earth, or whatever you are called, would you happen to have a phone?”

“I don’t need a name or a label. I am everything you are. Love me as a foothold and a construct. I am everything you claw at and everything you kindle. I am also a phone, if that’s what you’re really here for! Your name’s Freddy, right?”

“Yes it is.”

“Which number do you need to call? Let me guess: your parents?”

“You’re good at that.”

Don’t worry. Your parents have completely forgotten about you.”

“WHAT? What did they say? How do you know?”

“I listen to the things they say. We share feelings. They’ve never worried about you since you left!”

“Dial their number, please!”

The Earth made beeping noises. Her voice changed.

“Hello?”

“Mom?”

“Who’s this?”

“It’s Freddy.”

“Freddy who?”

“Your son.”

“I have a son. I’m just pretending not to know I have one and that he is you.”

“So you know I’m Freddy, right?”

“Freddy who?”

He continued with, “Mom, I’m really sorry for leaving. How are you?”

“Well, mister, I’m just fine.”

“Everything’s fine? Everything’s the same?”

“Well, almost.”

“Almost?”

“My hometown was turned into a ball of pure energy along with everyone and everything in it. Luckily, my husband and I live on the phone lines, so we were completely safe.”

“How’s dad?”

“Do you mean my husband or my dad?”

“Your husband.”

“Oh, he’s marvelous!”

“Mom?”

“Yes, mister?”

“How’s my room?”

“My son’s room was obliterated to pure energy as I said before.”

“Hah! You do know I’m your son!… Oh darn….”

“Okay Freddy, you’re my son. You know, I was disappointed when you left without my permission. After a day of venting, though, I started keeping a close ear on you. When that boy told you what to do on the walkie-talkie, I knew then you were capable of this. I know now  it’s up to you to make the world a better place. Or something like that. I’m not good with context clues. Please stay on track with your tasks! You really need to help Robby and the world!”

“I will! It’s just… they both want so much!”

“They’re insatiable, honey. Just stick with the adventure and I’m sure you’ll find something else past the Lamp. Who knows? Maybe you’ll learn something to make us into humans again! Oh, and thanks for waiting three years to call!”

“I’m sorry-”

“It’s okay, Freddy. I knew you were safe and I know you will be. Which is why I haven’t talked about you in a while.”

“I heard! For a second I thought you hated me.”

“The Earth told you that, didn’t she?”

“Yeah!”

“The Earth doesn’t understand us in the way we don’t understand the germs on our skin. Don’t blame her for anything! Take care of her, in fact. And I better leave you to your journey. You’ve got a lot to do. You’ve only done one task so far?”

“Yes…”

“Get to it, Freddy! I love you!”

“Thanks mom. I love you, too.”

“Oh, and your father says goodbye!”

“Bye!”

*CLICK*

The Earth returned to her normal self.

“Hey, Diana’s Boyfriend!”

“Yo!” he responded.

“I love you so much! I was so happy that the universe decided to send you here! Probably because I have a species identical to yours.”

“I’ve heard and seen that quite a bit. Freddy here is the only person able to talk to me.”

“Don’t mind him! He’s just too young to understand how beautiful you are. Hey! Frank, Sarah, and Brandy!”

The three looked at Earth.

“Stop being entranced by this boy’s beauty!”

Frank said, “But you just scolded Freddy for not understanding how beautiful he is!”

“Yeah. I contradict myself. See, if I were one of you humans, I would’ve told you to shut up. Luckily I can just silence you myself.”

Since they weren’t talking, they weren’t anymore silenced. Although, if they had been talking, they would have instantly lost all air in their vocal chords and lungs.

“Earth!” interrupted Freddy, “Before you leave, I want to ask you something.”

“Yes, hun?”

“You are aware of all the bad things happening in the world and the Moon crashing into you? You seem pretty happy and oblivious to everything…”

“The Moon? That’s what struck me?”

“Yes. How did you not notice? There’s an entire ring system right above us.”

“I thought it was a rock. I wasn’t paying attention for a second and a moment later there’s a large indentation on my side. I didn’t know what it was. I hadn’t felt a pain so profound for millions of years! You guys use years, right?”

“Yeah.”

“The moon never left. He’s still here. He whispers to me. I couldn’t see him but I guess it was through all the rocks in the sky. He’s still mad over his failed attempt and curses me every day. Actually, it all makes sense once you put the pieces together. Thanks for advising me, although I don’t know what I can do about it. The rocks are past my grasp. I can shift my gravity, but that may kill you guys. Are you okay with that?”

“Umm, preferably no.”

“You’re right. Plus, I don’t want to hurt Diana’s Boyfriend. Whatever you guys do, please take care of him. You guys stay safe as well, okay? Bad things are headed this way…”

The flowers withered, making her face wither and fall.

“She lives in her own little world, huh?” said Diana’s Boyfriend after the coast was clear.

“She should be living on this one. I wonder if all planets are this carefree.”

The plants where her face was rebloomed.

“Good news: I figured out what that bad thing headed our way is. It’s a giant. You better follow the clouds.”

“That’s what they’re running away from?” asked Freddy.

“I think so. Along with the wind, they’re giving off a frightened sense right now. Please follow them. They also mention the giant saying something about beauty. I think the giant’s coming for him. No matter what happens, by my statutable orders, do not let the giant get him. Goodbye!”

The ground shook. A loud roar pierced the group’s ears.

“It’s coming for me?” asked Diana’s Boyfriend, “I’m really sorry, guys.”

“Don’t worry,” said Freddy, “we’ll be fine.”

“We should start walking, then.”

“Wait! I have an idea! Science isn’t going to help us! We need magic! Frank! Brandy! Do any of you have anything that will transport us or teleport us?”

Brandy said, “Ummm, maybe. Well, yes I can. But it will only teleport us to one place I don’t think it’s a good idea there.”

“Let’s take our chances. I doubt a giant will be any better.”

“You’re right.”

Brandy took out her oboe. She played a calming tune. They all got lost in the music and closed their eyes. Pretty colors and shapes streamed through their mind. The tune stopped. They opened their eyes.

The five of them were in the middle of a street in a busy city. Hollywood, perhaps. The cars honked at them. Disoriented, they minded the annoyed drivers and talked.  

“Is this Hollywood? Why here?” asked Frank to Brandy as black smoke exited his lungs.

She said panting, “I think *heave* I *heave*-”

“LOOK!” screamed some lady on the street.

Everyone looked at her then at what she was pointing. All eyes drew to Diana’s Boyfriend. The people in the cars forgot their troubles and ran over to them. Men and women wanted to see him, to meet him, to fall in love with him. The paparazzi bustled over to him and tried asking him questions. They took pictures of him like a broken streetlight on the side of the road. Men screamed “I love you!”. Women screamed “I love you more!”. Of course, all of this was indistinguishable beneath the tumultuous buzz of the people’s chatter.

Everyone was in chaos. Diana’s Boyfriend was starting to suffocate from all the people trying to touch him. Frank, Freddy, Brandy, and Sarah all breathlessly (especially Brandy) made their way out of the crowd.

“BRANDY!” coughed Freddy.

Brandy took one extra large breath and played a song. Music flowed. Everyone quieted. Colors and shapes. Back on Earth’s face…

…With one hundred other people! Not minding the people, you probably would’ve cried at the sight of the sun setting. Orange, red, yellow, and pink engraved the landscape, and, if they had paid attention, their vision. But they had more serious matters at hand.

The Hollyweirdos kept trying to grab Diana’s Boyfriend. They didn’t even care or notice they weren’t in Hollywood anymore. Freddy, Brandy, Frank, and Sarah stood outside the group.

“Why Hollywood?” asked Frank.

“That’s where I learned to teleport… Yes, I remember now! I spent a lot of time there after Snow White! Then I went to England to perform in an orchestra when I got lost on the dirty streets and ended up in a historical countryside! I met this boy who was in love with me and I told him to get me a star. When he actually came with a star, I was surprised he took me seriously and pawned the star to pay for a bus to Kokomo!”

“Great story,” said Freddy, “but what about Diana’s Boyfriend!”

“Who?” asked Frank.

“The boy you were gawking after for the past few hours!”

“Oh! Him. Where is he?”

“In the middle of that violent crowd!”

They all looked at the rustling people. No one said anything.

“Guys?!” asked Freddy.

“You should know,” said Sarah, “He thinks you’re cute!”

“And what does that have to do with anything? What am I supposed to do about it?”

No one said anything.

“Look, maybe it’s best if one of us kills him.”

“WHAT?!?!” they all screamed.

“He’s a danger to himself and us. But that was just an idea off the top of my head. There must be something better…”

Brandy said in desperation, “We can teleport them back! Do you guys have ear plugs?”

Sarah said, “I do! Let me look for them.”

She rummaged through her backpack.

“Good! If you guys put those on, I’ll play the song and we’ll be unaffected.”

Sarah handed them some ear plugs.

Brandy said, “Can any of you clear the crowd and give these to Diana’s Boyfriend?”

Freddy said, “I can!”

“Okay,” she said as she handed him an extra pair of ear plugs.

Frank said, “Don’t hurt him!”

Freddy stepped up to the crowd and then thought, “What’s going to happen to Diana’s Boyfriend after we save him?”

He turned around and looked at them.

“We haven’t planned this well enough! Once we save him, what’s next? He’ll still be a danger!”

Sarah lost focus as a brilliant idea entered her head.

“I know! Go save him first while I look for it!”

Freddy sighed and trusted Sarah’s intentions.

Freddy stepped up to the crowd once more and summoned his courage. He knew it was very necessary to help Diana’s Boyfriend and focused on his breath. Freddy used a pyrokinetic effect on the ground beneath the crowd. The people screamed and shoved themselves to the side, allowing a direct entry for Freddy. He stepped on the fire, completely unaffected by it. As he closed in on the center of the crowd, he reached out a hand to Diana’s Boyfriend yelling, “Put these on!”

Diana’s Boyfriend barely grabbed them as the crowd pushed Freddy back. The fires dwindled to nothing. Freddy watched until he inserted the plugs into his ears with much struggle. Freddy gave a thumbs up and Brandy played a magical tune.

  The crowd stopped talking and listened to the fluffy notes. They closed their eyes and almost instantly disappeared.

Diana’s Boyfriend looked shaken and disheveled. He stood for a while huffing. Freddy took advantage of this and walked back to Sarah.

“So what’s your plan?”

Sarah handed him a small, metallic pistol.

“This is an S-Ray Gun. It will shrink the atoms of an object. If he’s small we can hide him in our bags.”

“So I just point and shoot?”

“Considering this thing shrinks atoms, it also shrinks air atoms, so it’s very unpredictable on what it’s going to shrink. Just make sure to aim properly and we’ll hope for the best.”

“Wait, why do I have to-”

Sarah grabbed his shoulders and turned him around. Freddy faced Diana’s Boyfriend pointing a gun at him.

He backed away from Freddy saying, “Ummm…”

“Sorry, Diana’s Boyfriend, but if anything with eyes sees you, they become ineffably infatuated.”

“Hmm, ineffably,” he chuckled. His smile was decorated with round dimples the size of cantaloupes. Freddy tried ignoring them and continued.

“That is kind of funny. But in all seriousness, you can’t be seen anymore until we can do something about it.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it. Will killing me help, though?” he said worriedly.

“Oh, sorry! I’m really sorry! We’re not going to kill you! Until we can make you uglier or not as disastrously handsome, we’re going to shrink you.”

“I understand,” he said relieved, “Thanks Freddy. I know I haven’t known you for long, but I love you, man. Goodbye.”

He patted him on the shoulder then hugged him.

“You’re not dying, you know. You make me feel like a monster.”

He awkwardly hugged him back. Freddy then adjusted the nozzle against his ribs and pulled the tiny trigger.

……

The ground shook. Tiny Diana’s Boyfriend bounced around violently. Frank took out a bottle (with holes this time; he had learned his lesson), grabbed Diana’s Boyfriend, and put him in. Diana’s Boyfriend said something, but no one could hear him. Frank stuffed the bottle into his backpack.

“Sooooo,” said Brandy, “he loves you and gave you a hug?”

The three looked at Freddy furiously.

“He doesn’t love me. It was ‘love’ in the context of a brotherly romance, you know?”

The three said nothing and looked a bit less angry.

“You guys are being drama queens, really! He’s not into me, he’s not into any of you; get over it! Think about this: [using his Truth Technique] would you really want to be with someone the rest of the world would literally kill for?”

If it hadn’t been for his technique, they would have thought “Yes” without any other second thoughts. The technique, accompanied with his irrefutable logic, worked wonders on their cognitive faculties. Frank, Sarah, and Brandy could think slightly straighter! Their anger also dissipated, leaving them almost as normal as they had been before they met him.

The sun had finally set, yet from the direction of the supposed giant, an orange glow filled the air.

“Let’s go with the clouds!” said Freddy.

They all agreed. They walked sixty three feet before they fell to the ground fast asleep.

……

Once they woke, they noticed the endearing morning sunrise. Oh, how beautiful it was. And not a single cloud in the sky.

They immediately noticed the giant above them. The giant stood at a height too high to estimate with their amazing ability to Guesstimate. She could have been five hundred feet or a thousand feet; they weren’t even close to sure. She had four eyes, each a calm forest green, and straight, shimmering brunette hair juxtaposed against fair, fair skin. She wore a Yo Gabba Gabba sweater, blue skinny jeans, and typical black with white sneakers. Luckily she was staring at the marvelous sunrise, not noticing the confused children below.

Brandy whispered, “Why did we fall asleep, Frank? I thought your Sandman was supposed to keep us awake.”

Frank whispered back, “I don’t know what went wrong! Maybe I accidently released him.”

He quietly checked his backpack.

“No. The fairies and pixies and all the magical beings are infatuated thanks to Mister Perfect right here! Here, take him!”

He handed Diana’s Boyfriend to Brandy. That’s when the giant looked down.

“There it is!” she roared (but in a nice way), “Ummm, children? Can you please hand over your beautiful thing? You see, I collect beautiful things like me!”

She smiled.

Frank said, “We don’t have anything beautiful with us! Especially Brandy!”

“She means the beautiful thing that appeared yesterday,” said the boy who appeared around her shoes. Prominent blue eyes embraced the brown strands of his hair which swayed slightly in the wind. He also had something they had never seen on anyone before: a beard! And it wasn’t just any beard; it was an adventure beard! You could tell he’s been around the world and back. He wore a t-shirt which read “Harley” and some simple gray shorts along with typical sneakers.

They were all startled by the boy. Frank said, “Well, the beautiful boy ‘Diana’s Boyfriend’ was teleported to the middle of Hollywood. He’s probably sill there-”

The giant growled (but politely), “Oh please! I can see a radiant glow of beauty emanating from that girl’s bag! Now please give it to us! Give it to Peon T down there!”

Peon T yelled, “IT’S QUEEN T!”

He turned to them and said, “I’m sorry guys, but she’d holding my sweater hostage. Hand it over, please.”

Frank was slightly flabbergasted.

“I’m sorry, what’s your full name?”

“Queen T.”

 

Frank got absolutely nowhere.

“Do I know you?”

“Yes you do. I know you as well.”

Sarah interrupted their conversation and yelled, “Hey, giant! What’s your name?”

“I’m older than you! You’ll just address me as Big Beauty!”

“Big Beauty, why do want Diana’s Boyfriend?”

“Don’t ask me questions! Just give it to me!” she moaned (but happily).

“I can’t remember who you are!” Frank told Queen T (?).

“It doesn’t matter. Hand it over, please!”

“What will you gain out of it?” Sarah asked Big Beauty.

“Look, please give it to me. Give it to Peon T and you can carry on your short, short lives.”

Sarah could not think of anything else to say besides, “We can’t give it to you!”

“This always happens! What good is it being ever so tall when you can’t even intimidate the smallest of people? Darn, Darn, DARN!” she screamed (but ecstatically) as her hair burst into flames and her breath turned into chrysanthemums. A shower of flowers patted their skins. They smelled of wet envelopes and honey.

She swiftly grabbed the four of them. She lifted them up as high as she could stretch her arms upward. The four looked around. All they could see to the distant horizon was grass, grass, oh, and more grass! Even if they were to somehow make the giant leave or escape, none of them could imagine where to go next or if they could even make it out of the area. They could go back to Hollywood but everyone except Brandy would die of the pollution. And not to mention the eager crowd ready to kill for Diana’s Boyfriend, at least for now.

Big Beauty groaned (but jovially), “I could let you all fall to the ground! And if you survived, I’d do it all over again until every bone is broken in your body. If it weren’t for my giant hands, I’d get this ‘Diana’s Boyfriend’ myself. Now, give it to my peon!”

While she had been talking, Freddy asked Sarah, “Can’t you use the Polite Particle Repulsor on her?”

“I’m not going to kill a human. Science would not condone that, even if she is a giant. I have nothing that will take her down without dying.”

“Yet you were ready to kill Brandy a hundred years ago?”

“What?” asked Brandy.

“Yes, I planned to kill you Brandy, but that’s only because my logic is asinine. Plus, remember: you are yourself. That says a lot about you.”

Brandy knew Sarah was just joking. Hopefully.

“Are you going to give me the beautiful thing?!”

“Fine,” said Sarah.

She lowered them back to Earth on a pile of chrysanthemums. Big Beauty’s hair stopped blazing and her breath stopped making flowers. Peon T (or Queen; I’m not sure) walked over to them with an extravagant pillow in his hand.

Brandy asked him, “Peon! What about you? Don’t you want your sweater?!”

“Well, we actually have it on custody,” he said delightedly.

“Isn’t it about time you have it?”

He paused.

“You’re right!”

He cupped his hand to his mouth and yelled, “BIG BEAUTY!”

“Yes?”

“WHEN DO I GET THE SWEATER?!”

Freddy heard a buzz in his backpack. He immediately thought, “… Could it be?”

The sound was fuzzy and grainy.

Brandy told them in a light tone, “Put your ear plugs on! When she bends down, I’ll play the song and she’ll disappear along with cheerful boy!”

The fuzz continued. Freddy looked through his backpack.

“Not right now!” shrieked (but with courtesy) Big Beauty.

“WHY NOT?!”

“Because… Fine, take it!… But only for a while!”

She unzipped her sweater and took it off.

“Get ready!” whispered Brandy to the others.

Freddy found… a walkie-talkie? Freddy was confused, but wholeheartedly lifted it out of his bag. He hadn’t seen that thing in one hundred and four years.

Big Beauty bent down and covered the sweater over Peon T. He could not be seen underneath the small hill that was her sweater. Brandy took a deep breath. Freddy pushed the button on the side and asked, “Hello?”

The four disappeared with a slight flash, leaving nothing but their dissatisfaction and, unluckiest of all, their backpacks and belongings. Big Beauty was so startled her glasses fell and shattered like a window. Peon T chuckled underneath the sweater.