Chapter ******

The Island at the Bottom of the World

“Where are we going?” asked Frank through the walkie-talkie the officer had thrown to the cow. The cow had been securely “tied” to the back of the unusually flat police vehicle. It wasn’t actually tied to anything but mysteriously floated behind the car. They zoomed past the dark suburbs of Kokomo.

“I told you where we’re going already!” screamed the nasally voiced officer.

“Awww, shut that thing off, Frank,” said Freddy on the belly of the cow facing the ground, “I think this may be the end of our quest. Vampires, armies of washers, and a creature with never ending tentacles can’t stop us, but when the grownups call timeout, it’s time to stop messing around.”

“Freddy’s right,” said Frank, “We should just-”

“I’m sorry, but you guys should really be down here! It’s amazing! It’s like all the world is the sky!”

“You’re taking up all the room!”

Freddy was, in fact, sprawled across the belly o the cow watching contently and a bit dizzily. Frank and Sarah were on the back of the cow and Brandy was still on the warm rump. Freddy moved a little. “There,” he said.

“You guys!” screamed Sarah, “We’re about to go to the station for attempted murder! No one listens to minors! And if I’ve learned anything from a life in the lab, it’s to never, and I mean never give up! We’ll find some way to get out of this! We always find a way out of situations…”

After a second, Freddy said, “What can we do on a cow that is our center of gravity? Unless we can jump really high, the entire world is a cow covered in the names and phone numbers of weirdos, telephone operators, telephone operator caretakers, deceased celebrities, and hopefully the father of Miss Marvel. By the way [he said as he cautiously stood up], we should keep looking for Mr. Marvel’s phone number.”

Frank said, “I thought you said we should just give up.”

“I changed my mind. Sarah’s rousing speech was deeply inspiring.”

“Really?” asked Sarah.


The two searched for the number on the cow’s back while Freddy searched for it on the belly. Frank, on the other hand, had his mind elsewhere. After a few minutes of searching, Frank made a connection.


The two looked toward him (although Freddy looked downward).

“How exactly did we arrive in Kokomo? I can’t seem to remember arriving there!”

“How is this important?” asked Freddy, “But I remember! We…. uhhh… Wait… I don’t remember. Sarah?”

“No. I remember a quick blur, though.”

“Wait!” continued Freddy, “I have some Brain Juice in my backpack. That’ll help me remember….”

He opened his bag. Shock! There were a few hundred unconscious (half dead?) Smurfs in his bag!

“Wha-What are these?!?!”

“What did you find?” asked Frank.

Freddy dropped one with glasses down (or up?) to Frank.

“Freddy?!! How did you get a hold of these?!! Do you have more?!”


“We’ve struck blue gold! We’re millionaires!-” said Frank as he suddenly realized money was completely useless to them.

“What’s so great about fat blue people?” asked Sarah

“How did you guIIIyszZZzzz-” said Freddy as a freezing wind blew in. Goosebumps set in. “Where are we?” he asked. They all looked around.

Ocean was all around with white land in the distant horizon. Earth’s rings blazed the ocean in a waltz of pearly waves.

Sarah said, “The magnet in my nose tells me we’re heading opposite of North!”

“Please tell me we’re heading towards the South Pole,” said Freddy enthusiastically.

“People, we’re getting sidetracked! Find the number!”

They kept searching. Freddy looked up to find they were above a frozen land.

“Guys! I think we’re over-”

“We know!”

Frank kept the unconscious Smurf safely in his pocket as he searched restlessly on the side of the cow for the number. Freddy had had his backpack on after closing it previously. Sarah’s pen and notebook were in her back pocket. Why did I mention that? I don’t know. It’s probably because I saw this funny joke on a copyrighted T.V. show and my mind went blank for a few moments…

“Found it!” screamed Frank.Finally, under piles of odd vases, weird portraits, and useless piles of junk, Frank found Mister Marvel. He put his finger upon the name to prevent it from scuttling away. The other two heard Frank’s findings. Before they could walk over to the side of the cow with him, Freddy stood up. He felt freezing cold then freezing hot then burning hot! He looked up to get a quick glimpse of … magma? It all happened in a second.

“There are really volcanoes down here?”asked Freddy as the setting changed back to permafrost, “I thought maybe Otto- OTTO!” Freddy saw Otto above him. The other two looked down. A lone penguin was walking below them.


The penguin looked at them as a flat police car and a cow rapidly flew by. It put its eyes back on the earth and kept walking.

“Otto?” said Freddy reluctantly.

The penguin kept walking.

“Who was that?” asked Frank.

“He was my pen pal! I’d always write to him! Now he won’t even talk to me.”

“Are you sure that was him?”

“Yes, I’m sure! He sent me a picture!”

“Freddy,” said Sarah, “I’m sorry your friend ignored you, even though he looks like every other penguin out here-”

“No he doesn’t!”

Now get up here! Come see this!”

Frank moved the number to the cow’s spine. Everyone gathered and focused in on the number.

Frank exclaimed, “8675309? That’s very similar to the code used at the Dark Side of McDonald’s! Is Mister Marvel-”

Freddy interrupted with, “Shhh, shh, shhh, shhh. I’ve always wanted to watch a sunrise!

The sun was rising, surprisingly over ocean. How they ended up in ocean again we will probably never, ever (look ahead!) know. Against the rising sun they saw something, but they could not tell what it was, although it was eerily flat.


The car and cow finally stopped.

“All of you! Get on the cow’s back!” screamed the flat cop.

Freddy silently dragged Brandy onto the cow’s back. The cow, along with the others, felt Earth’s gravity. They all dropped about five feet, along with the rest of Miss Marvel’s junk. The cow mooed in discomfort. The three fell to the ground from the jolt. When they hit the ground, they felt a slight thud.

The ground was green and absolutely flat. They all tried getting up, but found difficulty in doing so.

“What’s up with this floor?” asked Frank lying on the floor while sliding slowly.

Sarah said, “It’s two dimensional! There’s hardly any friction upon it! It makes it easy for them to traverse the plane!”

The officer knocked the car over. It became part of the flat landscape. Speaking of the plane, the whole “island” was flat except for one plain orange building.

“Alright, deviants, “said the cop, “welcome to the Island at the Bottom of the World. Get up!”

They tried, but failed and slid some more.

“You 3D’s bug me.”

He (somehow) carried them toward the building, one at a time. They all saw people below them as he carried them. All were flat like the cop as well. They talked in a hubbub, but not a very loud hubbub. They secretively talked amongst each other, probably making rumors about the kids.

He laid the four kids next to the building. He said, “Wait here. I have to do your paperwork and clean up the mess that was left by the cow.”

Freddy yelled, “Wait sir! I have questions!”

The cop ignored him.

“Sarah, do you have answers?”

“Well, apparently the Island at the Bottom of the World is an island that appeared somehow after the Moon crashed… Wait, why am I telling you this? You already know this, right?”

“I guess. I’ve lived here long enough to know about the island. But I really want to know about the flatness of it and the people!”

“I don’t know anything about that.”


Before we go anywhere else, let me explain what Sarah didn’t. When the Moon crashed, several pieces went flying around, hitting three places: Swaziland, Venus, and Antarctica. The chunks that hit Antarctica caused the seas to open and started some volcanic activity in the area. Scientist said Antarctica would refreeze the coming winter, and since everyone believes what scientists say, no one cared to check (it’s very cold down there!).

The cop came back rather promptly.

“You’re going to have to spend the night in jail. Since you guys have three dimensions, we’re going to have to keep you in the only three dimensional building we have.”

The three looked at the building behind them.

“Look at me! We’ll figure out what to do with you tomorrow. Goldson!”

A scruffy man appeared out of nowhere. The three were getting annoyed at the way two dimensional beings could appear invisible.

“Yes, sir?”

“Help me get these kids inside!”

They each grabbed two. Goldson and the cop put their foot on the wall and started walking up it. Freddy asked, “Why-”

“Shut up!”

The cops arrived at the top of the building. The three looked down to find the entire building was hollow! This just goes to show two dimensional people should not make structures for our kind. The bottom was as flat as everything else on the island. As they noticed that, the cops threw them in the seven story high building. When they hit the bottom, they felt a slight thud once again. With the miniscule friction, they slid around uncontrollably.

“This is really frustrating!” screamed Frank.

The other two agreed.

In the end, Sarah Frank, and Brandy ended up clutching each other in a corner while Freddy lay in an adjacent corner. Sarah exclaimed, “I haven’t seen so little friction in an object since I created those frictionless two-by-fours!”

“Sarah,” said Freddy, “What do we do now?”

“I guess we have to wait until tomorrow. There’s not one’s able to do when you’re down a frictionless well.”

“I guess,” said Frank, “we should eat while we’re here.”

Frank took out a honey roasted ham from his backpack.

Freddy said, “Wow! I just realized they never took our stuff away.”

Goldson’s voice rang out an instant later.

“If you have anything to escape, you should try. We don’t want you here!”

Freddy continued with, “Is it just me or are all the people here gossipers with sharp ears?”

Frank and Sarah were too busy eating to respond.

“Okay. Can you please pass me something?”

Frank slid a rotisserie-style chicken to Freddy. When Freddy got a hold of it, he dropped it back to the ground.

“Oww! It’s hot!”

“Yeah, let it cool down for a bit.”

“But how-”

“Shhhhh. Let’s have some time for peace and-”

This is where we’ll stop!